Response

Response #
9
Person who died
Father
Category
Current experience of grief
Respondent details
45-54 | Female | British
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
My father
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
Initially shell shocked and crying most of the time. That subsided and faded over time. Initially when getting upset it felt very physically as if I had been punched in the stomach. Upset is more gentle now, but still happens at unexpected moments.
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
Feeling more attached, protective and worried about my mother now. Feeling closer to my sister. And more conscious of death generally.
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
Yes - brighter and more harsh. Grief has made me feel quite raw.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Yes- hard to explain, but see your life as a journey in a way not previously. A pattern which will ultimately end.
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Yes. Weary and sore when I am most upset.
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Feel more like I need to protect my mental health - feel it is at risk more than previously.
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
Yes - less raw. But oddly I feel sad about that too- it becomes less shocking. But it should be shocking.
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
Yes. And their voice is clear in my head. Also often momentarily forgetting they have died then remembering
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Yes. Every Friday - we used to call then. And any significant events. And any stressful events as they were always there to help
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
Yes- a sense of being looked out for. It’s a huge comfort. And weird things happening which stop and make me think something more is happening than it probably is.
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
Yes, like they have taught me and are still teaching me. Like I could easily have a mental conversation with them to help me stay on the right path.
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Talking to them.
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
No
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Space and time and quiet. Being peaceful helps. I like busy and noisy times less and less since it happened.
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
Very understanding. And just helping to get me out and engaged in things I like. Most helpful are those who have been through it- them telling me how I’m feeling and that it doesn’t ever leave you but you get better at coping. That’s been a comfort - this is normal.
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
Hopefully more reflective and grounded. I’m trying!
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
It has no end. No way back. The permanence is the problem. Nothing can be done.
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
It seems very unreal at times. It’s very hard to process and to accept. Where has he gone?
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?
No.