Response
Response #
70
Person who died
Husband
Category
Current experience of grief
Respondent details
55-64 | Female | British
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
My husband
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
It was and still is such a shock.
He was just 58 years old - he was unwell with Covid but not that ill. It was as if he had flu.
Initially I was in a manic mood - I cleaned everything, cleared out stuff......couldn’t stop .....I’m still quite manic at times.
Lockdown was a blessing and a curse. I had to wait 5 weeks for the post mortem and a further 3 weeks for the cremation. I hid away with my daughter and visits from a few friends.
It is still so unreal. I know he’s not coming back but I feel like life is on hold
He was just 58 years old - he was unwell with Covid but not that ill. It was as if he had flu.
Initially I was in a manic mood - I cleaned everything, cleared out stuff......couldn’t stop .....I’m still quite manic at times.
Lockdown was a blessing and a curse. I had to wait 5 weeks for the post mortem and a further 3 weeks for the cremation. I hid away with my daughter and visits from a few friends.
It is still so unreal. I know he’s not coming back but I feel like life is on hold
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
My family and good friends have got closer.
Acquaintances I’ve kept more distant.
I’ve become quite blunt with people I don’t want to see.
One set of close friends have hardly been in touch - that’s hard
Acquaintances I’ve kept more distant.
I’ve become quite blunt with people I don’t want to see.
One set of close friends have hardly been in touch - that’s hard
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
The whole world seems to be going on as normal yet I know this isn’t true at all. Lockdown seems irrelevant to me
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Time is passing so quickly, I’m surprised by that
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
I’ve craved sweet things - unusual for me
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Work is a good distraction - I can escape my grief. My concentration isn’t good but colleagues help me
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
Some days I feel more capable but then I can go backwards. I feel I am making progress towards a life on my own
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
No
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Cooking meals First thing in the morning I miss our conversation I would avoid going on holiday to places we’ve been before at the moment
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
A couple of dreams which have been positive.
I’ve seen loads of robins and I think of my husband but I know robins are common birds.
I’ve seen loads of robins and I think of my husband but I know robins are common birds.
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
Always - I sit in his place on the sofa. I talk to him. Our home still feels very comforting as if he is part of it
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Putting some flowers by his photo
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
I had to try CPR although I knew he was dead - seeing hospital dramas /documentaries with CPR scenes is distressing
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
A friend who lost her adult son has been a lifeline for me.
An online support forum, Way Up has helped immensely and I have met some other widows via that
An online support forum, Way Up has helped immensely and I have met some other widows via that
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
Good friends have been amazing although some try too hard which can be patronising.
Some of the bereavement lines run by banks etc have been great - some have been appalling
Some of the bereavement lines run by banks etc have been great - some have been appalling
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
I want it to make me a better person - my husband was laid back and kind whereas I’m more judgemental and stress. I’m trying to worry about stuff proportionately rather than worry about what I can’t change
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
Losing my husband feels like I’ve lost part of myself.
I’ve lost parents and a brother and I thought that was devastating. It’s a walk in the park compared to losing my partner
I’ve lost parents and a brother and I thought that was devastating. It’s a walk in the park compared to losing my partner
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
I have a dark sense of humour that has got worse
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?