Response

Response #
65
Person who died
Husband
Category
Current experience of grief
Respondent details
65-74 | Female | British
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
My husband
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
Unable to sleep.
Depression
Extreme sadness
Crying
Being scared
Money worries
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
People didn’t know what to say
Some friends avoid you
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
Yes, you no longer feel part of a couple and feel very lonely and unsure of future
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Makes you realise that life is short so make the most of life while you can
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Put on a lot of weight and don’t care
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Am retired but motivation to carry on is difficult and have to force myself to go out instead of just existing
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
It is 14 months now and although initial grief is not so intense I have spells where sadness overwhelms
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
Yes have found myself going to tell them something and realising they are not there.
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Yes when with family or when going somewhere you went together
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
No but a robin visited garden and sat looking at me and I hoped it was a sign
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
I will always feel connected to them as was married to them for almost 50 years but no physical presence of them unfortunately since they died
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
I have been doing the jigsaws they loved, read their books and listened to the music they loved.
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
Hate going to the hospital or our doctor as painful memories
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Joined a widows' group and made friends there for social events as they understand how it really feels
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
People expect you to get over it and even family think that after a year you will be fine.
Husband’s family ignore me since funeral despite being family for so long. Some friends have asked tactless questions like have you got used to being alone and wasn’t there anything that could have been done if gone to doctors earlier.
My children have been wonderful and also a widowed aunt has been supportive
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
I don’t feel as confident and often scared of things going wrong and not being able to cope or getting sick and living alone.
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
Grief of a person and in particular a close relative leaves you feeling like your life has changed forever and nothing will be the same ever again
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
I find it difficult to block the unpleasant memories from diagnosis to death within 5 months and wish I could just remember the many wonderful memories.
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?
No