Response

Response #
5
Person who died
Niece-Nephew
Category
Past experience of grief
Respondent details
45-54 | Male | British
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
My Sister's newborn babies
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
I was in the delivery room when the twins were born/ died. I held their bodies. I was in shock at first and then upset for next days although looked to get on with things to support my sister and brother in law.
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
Two months after the Funeral I fell out with my sister - she didn’t speak to me or my wife for a year. In reflection she found it difficult to cope as I had small children - including a baby daughter and had no issues.
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
Yes - for a about a year.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Yes - time seemed to go much slower
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
I felt tired
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
No I was still able to work
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
No. Every time I suffer loss it is a similar game experience.
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
Yes - my grandmother
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Yes at family gatherings -
Birthdays and weddings
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
No
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
I feel a sense of what might have been for the babies.
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Their ashes are scattered in our local park so
I think of them when I go there.
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
No
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
The support of my wife and the company of my own children. I also attended therapy with my wife
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
I fell out with my sister for a year which was upsetting
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
I feel I am more understanding and empathetic.
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
It is far more profound than the end of a relationship in for example
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
Not really - I am a social worker so have studied grief and loss. I have worked in murder cases and cases where there have been deaths
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?
No. Excellent questions