Response

Response #

176

Person who died

Husband

Category

Current experience of grief

Respondent details

65-74 | Female | British

Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?

My husband

Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?

Although my husband's death was expected in the coming months, it actually happened quickly and was unexpected at that time. It was still a shock but my first thoughts were that he was out of pain and I knew he’d had enough, so a relief also. I’d woken up ever morning for 20 months with a knot in my stomach that remained until I went to sleep. That knot did disappear. I cried constantly but decided even if I only had a few minutes of relief before crying again, that was normal

Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?

I no longer have contact with my in laws as I couldn’t cope with how they behaved after my husband’s death

Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?

Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?

I used to wish that time slowed down when my husband was ill because I believed time would slow down once he wasn’t here. Time passes at the same rate

Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?

Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?

I didn’t go back to my stressful job as I felt I couldn’t cope and my concentration was so poor.

Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?

The pain isn’t raw but the grief is still there but I can manage it most of the time.

Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?

When I lived in the house we shared, I saw him everywhere but that stopped once I moved after 18 months.

Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?

Many many times, birthdays anniversaries. Milestones reached by our grandchildren it’s been especially difficult during the COVID 19 crisis

Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?

No I haven’t

Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?

I very much feel a connection to my husband, I wear his wedding ring and in times of difficulties I touch the ring and I feel that it gives me strength

Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?

Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?

Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?

Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?

Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?

I’ve had a lot of loss, so always worry that people will go

Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?

Since experiencing loss, although not as intense I find it difficult for instance a friend moving away

Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?

Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?