Response

Response #

174

Person who died

Husband

Category

Past experience of grief

Respondent details

65-74 | Female | British

Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?

My husband

Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?

I was numb can't remember much about it my daughter did all the arrangements as I was incapable of doing it walked around like a zombie just couldn't take it in

Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?

As he wasn't my children's dad they were sad but not as much as if it had been their dad I don't think I could have coped without them didn't want to see anyone

Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?

It was very difficult to cope without him and people seem to avoid you as they don't know what to say they didn't want to mention his name I wanted to talk about him remember what a lovely man he was

Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?

Time didn't seem to matter every day was the same you just function as you have to go on but found it very hard

Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?

It was as if it wasn't there you just seem to be in a permanent fog. Nightime was the worst when there was no one to cuddle up to in bed

Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?

I was retired but couldn't be bothered to do anything everything was an effort leaning shopping anything just wanted to sit and cry all day

Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?

It is 9 years now and it has got a bit better life has got back to normal or as normal as it could be you never get over losing our husband but time does heal and I find it easier to do most things although he is always there I still think W would have loved this when I do things

Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?

Yes when you come home after shopping or being out you still expect them to be there or if there is someone who looks like them in the street you go to call out then realise that it is not them

Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?

Yes when their are family gatherings or holidays or if a certain song is on the radio

Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?

No but would love to

Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?

When I am in the garden as he was a keen gardener I feel as if his presence is there talking to me

Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?

I wear his wedding ring on a chain round my neck as I feel he is always with me

Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?

No I will always remember

Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?

I started drinking a bottle of wine every night for about three months to block his death out it was the only way I could cope

Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?

I joined a widows' group, met with people who understood. We could talk about our spouses, cry if we felt like it. Everybody understood what you were going through. Could not have coped without them

Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?

I am not as extroverted as I used to be sometimes I don't want people and just want to be on my own I sometimes feel lonely even in company

Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?

There is no comparison

Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?

That people think you can get over it

Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?