Response
Response #
170
Person who died
Father
Category
Past experience of grief
Respondent details
25-34 | Male | German
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
He was my father
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
I didn't do much at all except for spending time in nature (hiking and running) and smoking weed in the evening to fall asleep
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
Some connections strengthened while many others I let die off
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
I couldnt focus on the future and was very busy with whatever I felt at that moment. It got better as time passed, I'd say it lasted about 3 years.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Sometimes no feeling of time passing at all. Lot of focus on past and present, future was unimaginable.
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Not really. I spend a lot of time to tire my body with physical activity as a stress relieve.
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Yes. I was paralyzed. I interrupted my studies and when coming back to them I switched from biology to philosophy
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
In the beginning i tried to fight with what i called 'the hole or black spot on my heart' but after a while i realised that i have to accept this spot as a part of me instead of trying to fight it in order to find peace
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
In dreams yes. In real life I spoke to him in my thoughts and a few times even a few sentences out loud
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Christmas time, my birthday in mid august and his deathday beginning of may
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
At funeral i thought his mind or soul was visible/feelable in one of the birds on the graveyard. I have an old shirt of his which sometimes smells exactly like him.
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
Not much anymore. Everything is Memories, nothing seems really present
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Started playing his guitar, wearing some of his shirts
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
Smoking cannabis
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Hiking, running, nature helped the most.
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
Got a tip to use an old shirt of his as a pillow cover and that kinda did magic, felt like it improved my sleep a lot. I didn't like to bother people with it but I don't think anyone ever really minded.
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
It made me feel older, maybe mature, more quiet, more settled, less resentful, more accepting
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
Nothing comes even close to that feeling of experienceing your dad die.
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
The weeks after the death are very blurry in my memory, it feels like i can only kind of guess what i felt like that time.
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?