Response

Response #
17
Person who died
Husband
Category
Current experience of grief
Respondent details
45-54 | Female | Not Stated
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
My husband died six months ago.
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
I am grieving not only him, but the loss of our life together, past, and future.
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
I feel less social. People are more distant. People I expected to be supportive have not been, while others have stepped up and surprised me.
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
Yes. I feel like everything about the world that I have known is completely foreign now. The world seems like a different place.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Yes. I lose track of time and it seems to not matter to me as much as it used to. Days flow from one to the next, I don’t care as much about weekends like I used to.
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Yes. I am exhausted all of the time. I have to take naps which is unusual for me. I don’t feel the same as I did before and I have so little energy.
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Yes. I have less motivation and physical stamina. Work affects me differently now. Some things bother me more because I feel so emotional and fragile, while other things seem so silly and less important than ever before. I need to have shorter days and time off to rest and grieve.
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
Yes. It has been six months and it feels harder in some ways as time goes on. The reality of the finality of the loss has set in. I am more disillusioned about the future and fearful.
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
Yes.
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Yes. Daily tasks and errands. Grocery shopping, driving, going the places that we went together.
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
Yes. I have felt his presence intensely on a few occasions at night in our room. I can feel a physical sensation in my body that is unexplainable.
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
Yes. No doubt. We were best friends and partners for 30 years. That connection did not die when he died. I cannot see him but I still feel him with me. The love is still so strong.
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Yes. Meditation. Reading and reflecting. Creating quiet time in my schedule to talk to him.
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
I can’t pass the hospital where he took his last breath.
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Working with spiritual counsellors and a few medium sessions have helped. I just started therapy and it is helpful so far. Grief group has not been very helpful.
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
Some are not at all, others try. Many people seem to have drifted away and it feels like they assume that I am ok since it has been 6 months. I am not. The most helpful are the friends and family that are just present and understand that I am not ok.
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
All ways possible. I am more fearful and less hopeful. I see the fragility of life now and realize that nothing is forever.
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
It is the worst pain I could ever experience.
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
Yes. The lack of forward growth as I heal. I go back and fourth daily, weekly, etc.
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?
Lack of physical touch and loss of intimacy