Response

Response #
13
Person who died
Husband
Category
Current experience of grief
Respondent details
55-64 | Female | British
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
He was my husband
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
I am consumed by grief. I now understand that this is a pain that I will carry for the rest of my life. It’s overwhelming.
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
My relationships with many people are closer/ more intense - especially my children.
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
It seems the same but I feel slightly removed from it.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
Yes. Time much less regular. Days and months stretch and contract.
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Yes, lots of physical pain in first few months.
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Yes, hard to concentrate - and also no longer seems important.
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
Not much.
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
Yes, often. It seems ludicrous that someone can disappear so completely.
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Yes - favourite places, birthdays.
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
No
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
Yes, an internal connection. That’s where he continues. A very positive and comforting feeling.
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Keeping their things.
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
I avoid TV programmes about hospitals or medical things.
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Physical activity helps - at the moment, cycling. Counselling helpful.
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
A mixture. Someone told me that a cardiac arrest was a good way to die - especially unhelpful! Generally being told time will heal - by people who have no experience of grief - is very unhelpful.
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
I don’t know.
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
Completely different in intensity.
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
Lots. The speed with which positive and negative feelings swap around. Very hard to put the guilt into words.
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?