Response

Response #
12
Person who died
Partner
Category
Past experience of grief
Respondent details
55-64 | Male | British
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
My partner
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
Depression
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
Made relationships with friends and family more difficult.
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
Surrounding world became less interesting and appealing, a place I wanted to retreat from.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
It eased somewhat over time, becoming more of a dull background ache than a sharp pain.
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Became tired more easily.
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
Yes, definitely. Less motivated, lower powers of concentration.
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
It receded somewhat, giving way to persistent but mostly low level depression.
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
No
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Yes. Holidays in particular.
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
No
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
Not really.
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Maintain contact with her family. Have kept most of her effects. Initially I reconstructed a history from memories, small reminders (e.g. travel tickets for holidays, receipts for meals out).
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
Gave away almost all of her clothes.
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Counselling helped somewhat.
I have tried to make home a haven from the outside world.
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
Typically people were only understanding for a few months.
People intimating that grief only lasts around 2 years were particularly unhelpful. Suggestions I needed to find another partner weren't very helpful either
Practical help could be useful.
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
Less positive, less motivated in both work and hobbies.
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
It is worse than the ending of relationships, but has similarities.
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
It's variegated impact - some things I can do pretty much as well as ever; other things I can still manage, but seem to take much more time and effort. And some tasks I seem unable to do at all at times.
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?
No