Response

Response #
198
Category
Past experience of grief
Respondent details
45-54 | Female | USA
Q1: What was the nature of your relationship with the person who died?
Miscarriages
Q2: How has the person’s death affected you during the hours, days, and weeks that followed?
All encompassing- I say the darkness descended. I would cry for 12 hours at a time.
Q3: How, if at all, have your relationships with other people (particular individuals and other people in general) been affected by the bereavement?
My miscarriages effected everything and every relationship I had. I lost many friends because they could not understand why I was grieving.
Q4: Does the surrounding world seem any different to you while grieving? If so, how?
My grief took about 5 years to function... about 7 years to feel like myself again.
Q5: Has your experience of time changed in any way?
I remember very little within the first 5 years- except the pain, I remember how painful it was.
Q6: Has your body felt any different during grief?
Yes, I lost interest in dance and exercise.
Q7: Has grief interfered in any way with your ability and motivation to perform various tasks, including paid work?
I went to work but didn’t engage. Spent most of my lunch times crying in the bathroom.
Q8: Is your experience of grief changing over time? If so, how?
It lessened but I will always miss my babies.
Q9: Have you ever found yourself looking for the person who died or expecting that person to appear?
Yes.
Q10: Are there times, places, and occasions that have made you especially aware of the person’s absence?
Every pregnant woman I see, commercials, or the high and mighty phrase “as a mother.”
Q11: People who are grieving often report experiencing the presence of the person who died. Have you had any experiences that you would describe in those terms?
I dream about my children.
Q12: Do you still feel a sense of connection with the person? If so, could you say something about when you feel this and what the experience is like?
I miss not having the experience of being a mother.
Q13: Since the person died, is there anything that you have been doing in order to feel close to them?
Light candles on national miscarriage day- October 15th.

Have a memory box on my living room table.

I wear a ring that is in memory of them.

I kiss the memory box when I miss them and on Mother’s Day.
Q14: Is there anything that you do in order to avoid being reminded of the person or of their death?
No
Q15: Has anything in particular helped you to cope with grief? Has anything made you feel better or worse?
Jody Day’s book - living the life unexpected... Gateway Women online support group.
Q16: How understanding have other people been? Have others said or done anything that you've found especially helpful or unhelpful?
Mostly no— it’s a loss that no one sees. I just wanted to hear “I’m sorry” and was told to get over it already
Q17: How, if at all, has your experience of bereavement changed you as a person?
I am kinder.
I speak out for other women who are grieving I know I am enough just as I am.
I see the ridiculousness of Mothers who think they are better than childless women
Q18: How, if at all, does grief over the death of a person differ from other forms of loss that you have experienced?
This grief was the worst ever. It was the loss of my dreams and future. The loss of who I was meant to be.
Q19: Are there any aspects of grief that you find particularly puzzling or difficult to put into words?
How people only care about how THEY feel, not how you feel. This county is grief phobic.
Q20: Are there any important aspects of your experience that we have not addressed?